Unsolicited Movie Reviews – 2018 Oscar Edition

Unsolicited Movie Reviews – 2018 Oscar Edition

Every year’s crop of Oscar Best Picture nominees seems to share a similar or predominant theme. Last year’s was misery and sorrow. Practically all the movies were ridiculously sad. Two years ago the common thread seemed to be struggling against overwhelming forces or odds. This year’s lot is much more tonally confused on the whole. This makes for an interesting year and forces you to watch an unusually, broad variety of films in both story and style.

For our consideration we have 2 historical dramas that show two views of the same event and could not be more different films. There is 1 revenge epic, 1 satirical horror, 1 coming of age tale, 1 First Amendment anthem and 3 creepy love stories for three different reasons.

For the purposes of this ranking I try my best not to factor in the current political climate. This is not my best guess of who is going to win. If you don’t like Gary Oldman because he’s accused of some bad behavior or you think Lady Bird will ride to victory because of the Me Too movement, great. That isn’t what this list is about. This is strictly which films I liked best and how I would vote given the opportunity.

There are always head-scratchers as well. One glaring omission in this year’s crop, Wind River, was beyond worthy and I think it is a shame that it was omitted. Additionally, Gil Birmhingham’s performance as a grieving father of a murder victim was grossly overlooked as well. But those are the breaks. I promise you there are greater tragedies in this world. The sun will come up tomorrow.

Again and for the record, these are listed in my personal order ranked by how I would vote if I were voting and not what I think will win. DO NOT use this for betting unless you want to lose your house.

Dunkirk – Best movie I saw this year. One of the better movies I’ve seen in the last decade. Dunkirk,

to put it plainly, is a masterpiece. From the first minute of the film there is not a single moment to let your guard down emotionally. There is not one minute to control your senses. There is only a race against time and an unseen enemy that is palpable and real throughout the entire movie. Some were put off with Nolan’s penchant to play with time and sequence. To each his own but part of the brilliance of the movie is the way Nolan intertwined 3 story lines of 3 chronological lengths into a single 2 hour arc and showed practically every svrmr from 2 and sometimes 3 points of view. That would be amazing on a technical level alone and I haven’t even mentioned what a great history lesson it tells.

Dunkirk is a worthy tribute to the spirit and will of the soldiers stranded on that beach and the nation that rallied to protect their protectors. Strong, Calm, Determined, Unflappable…..Britain!

Honest to goodness, at times it took my breath away. Phenomenal Film Making

Three Billboards Outside Ebbings, Missouri – At times heartbreaking, infuriating, surprising and often brutally hysterical TBOEM is more than worthy of Best Picture. The movie is loosely inspired by an unsolved 1991 rape and murder that prompted the victim’s father to rent billboards critical of the investigation. That’s where the similarities stop.

TBOEM speaks to rage and sorrow and the debilitating effects of violence,of all kinds. It shows the consequences of desperation and helplessness on otherwise good people. It makes you question to what lengths you yourself would go for justice. But as dark as it remains throughout it reminds us how powerful the mere hope for redemption can be.

It would be impossible to assemble a better cast. Frances McDormand was great and should win. Woody Harrelson continues to build a ridiculous acting resume for the same guy who was Woody on CHEERS. However, if Sam Rockwell doesn’t win for Best Supporting it will be a shame. His was a brutally raw characterization and somehow this is his first nomination after an impressive career.

Get Out – Sharp, funny, disturbing and occasionally a little scary. This was marketed as a “horror” film. Not sure it falls into that genre but then again that is all about perspective. More accurately it is a brilliant piece of scathing satire.

Daniel Kaluuya would have a great shot at the Best Actor trophy if not for Gary Oldman's Churchill.  Kaluuya's gradual realization of his predicament was so well paced it set the tone for the entire film. It also made the final revelation that much scarier. Jordan Peele showed depth as a film maker outside of comedy. Get Out came out of left field and will reap career rewards for all involved.

As a matter of odds they stack up against Get Out. It is a “horror”. It made a ton of money and it was released in February. Why does that matter? Most Oscars go to the films released in the latter part of the year. The last February release to win Best Picture was Silence of the Lambs 26 years ago. However, if there is a shocker, no pun intended, this will be it.

Darkest Hour – I don’t trust myself to objectively critique this film. I am a huge Churchill buff. Few historical figures rise to the level of adoration that I feel for Winston. I have read reviews that thought this movie was overly sentimental and formulaic. Other reviewers felt it unfairly portrayed Chamberlin and Halifax. There is an argument to be made, that the film makers completely wasted Kristen Scott Thomas as Clemmie. That may all very well be accurate and further more I don’t really give a damn.

This film is about Churchill. It is about his words and his deeds and his struggle to hold a nation together at times by what seemed to be his own bare hands at times. It is about his dogged determination to “KEEP BUGGERING ON” even as the world and many in his own government were hiding in the shadows. It is about a masterful performance by Gary Oldman who literally disappears in the role.  The film is at its best when Churchill is at his lowest. It does a stellar job of conveying the utter isolation and personal responsibility this man had to feel.

Lady Bird – I struggled placing Lady Bird on the list more than the other films. It is an Academy darling. It is small, contemplative with sharp dialogue and eccentric but relatable characters.

What I liked about the film was the acting. Saoirse Ronan is the real deal. She was nominated 2 years ago for Brooklyn and 10 years ago for Atonement.  That is 3 nominations and she is only 23. She would be unrecognizable between the two roles. She has such a memorable presence on screen where it just seems like she belongs.

I also loved Laurie Metcalf as the Mom who may have redefined the apex of passive aggression. She was marvelous and were it not for Allison Janney I think she would be a shoe-in for the Best Supporting Actress award.

It didn’t have as much of an emotional punch for me but my wife tells me I’m wrong and she is usually correct.

The Post – Spielberg directs Streep and Hanks in a story about one of the biggest news stories in the nation’s history. Honest to God if this film hadn’t been nominated the world may have stopped spinning on its axis. Everything about this film works. The writing, acting, directing, lighting, cinematography etc. all work wonderfully.

The only problem with this, and a few other more recent films by SS, is that they are like a 7’ tall man dunking a basketball.  It is what you expect. Excellence and continued success raise a bar so high it is hard not to raise expectations. Then if doves don’t sweep in and carry you off to a land of rainbows and gold you feel like you have been let down. Spielberg, Hanks and Streep are somewhat victims of their own success. I think they will get over it while they are sitting around polishing their other Oscars with $1000 bills.

This is a really, really, fine film. Unfortunately, it will unfairly be compared to the better “All the President’s Men”.  It won’t go down as Spielberg’s greatest but that doesn’t make it bad it just doesn’t make it transcendent.

The Shape of Water – I keep reading that this is the best bet for Best Picture. Here is the thing. It is all about the buy-in. Every movie you see requires a certain degree of disbelief suspension. The degree required for The Shape of Water is off the charts. To put it plainly, it is just weird. Now, cross-species stories aren’t new exactly. We’ve had Beauty and the Beast, Starman and Julia Roberts’ marriage to Lyle Lovett. So how is it otherwise?

Take the weird out of it and you have a rich, beautifully filmed love story set to the backdrop of espionage and world politics. You have two sympathetic heroes, compelling supporting characters and a creepily strange villain. Visually, the movie is nothing short of gorgeous and all the technical aspects of the film work.

But here is the thing. It’s just freaking weird. If you get past that you’ll probably love it.

Phantom Thread – Can a movie be exceptionally well made being full of brilliant direction, exquisite acting and an attention to cinematic detail that is nothing short of amazing and still make me dislike it? Phantom Thread proves that the answer to that question is YES.

I didn’t hate it. It just pissed me off and not because it was trying to piss me off . That would have been fine. The problem is that it was trying to surprise the viewer. It was being pretentiously clever. If this movie were a college student it would be sitting in a café smoking cloves and making puns about Proust. All the while it would be feeling superior to its friends that didn’t get the reference.

There is some fine craftsmanship all through this movie. Supposedly it is the last film of Daniel Day-Lewis, arguably this generation’s greatest actor. I find this rather disheartening because the movie itself is a little bit of an asshole.

Call Me By Your Name – FINALLY, this is the first nominated film in 2 years that I actually hated.
First, it was shot beautifully. If it were a travel log for the Italian countryside it would have been a raging success.  Or even better, think of the most beautiful painting you have ever seen. Whether it is in a book or a museum, just imagine whatever painting you consider the most beautiful. Then get some popcorn, pull up a chair and stare at the painting in a dark room. Just look at it sitting there. Keep looking. It doesn’t move. Oh, you notice something in the corner. Keep looking……..Keep………Looking. Now, it has been a couple of hours and you check your watch and you realize, “Holy crap! That took ten minutes”.  That is what this movie is like.

This movie was marketed as a young gay man’s coming of age story while living in Italy. He falls in love with one of his father’s older students. This movie should have been marketed as “Hey look, gay people can be just as frigging boring as the rest of us!”

I’m not saying there isn’t a story here or the acting was awful. It was just so lifeless especially for a film that is supposedly about passion. I also think it is fair to point out that I found the age difference of the love story a bit creepy. I realize the young man’s character was 18 and an adult but visually the actor that played his looked significantly younger especially compared to his love interest Armie Hammer.

There you have it. That’s all I got.

Unsolicited Movie Reviews - Summer Edition 2017

Unsolicited Movie Reviews – Summer Edition  2017

There has been a mixed bag of quality in the theaters this summer. Why in God’s name there was any need to extend series like the Transformers and Pirates of the Caribbean is beyond me. Judging by ticket sales it was beyond the audiences as well. Conversely, I’ve written how I thought DUNKIRK was a masterpiece and the War for the Planet of the Apes capped a phenomenal trilogy that was always better than it had any right to be. But huge movies like that are going to have an audience either way. Here are four other, less hyped, pictures that I had time to dig into the last few days.

Wind River – A tracker for the Fish and Wildlife Service finds the body of young girl, who has been murdered and raped, in a remote part of the Wind River Indian Reservation in Wyoming. It is a great story with an exceptional cast and it is beautifully shot. But, what is really notable about the film is all that it gets done in a short amount of time. It is a rare film indeed that: (1)Delicately portrays a palpable sense of loss after a tragedy; (2)Provides a totally satisfying and visceral, revenge plot; (3)Shines a glaring and troubling light on the continued struggles of an often overlooked and forgotten segment of our population

Wind River does all three. If it had carried off just two it would have been a really good film. Consequently it is an exceptional movie. Jeremy Renner is sneaky good as is Elizabeth Olsen. But for me the most notable performance is by Gil Birmingham as the father of the victim. He’ll break your heart.

Lucky Logan – I wanted to like. I planned to like. Trust me I tried to like. I should have liked it. Turns out, I didn’t really like. No doubt the film has its funny parts. It is quirky and fast paced like a lot of Soderbergh’s films. What I don’t understand is why Soderbergh would even come back to the genre after 3 Ocean’s movie. The film is even billed as Ocean’s 7-11. This plays off the fact it takes place in West Virginia and North Carolina and has a “hillbilly” cast of characters. Actually, cast of caricatures would be more like it. I’m quite certain they just had a script for a 4^th Oceans movie and decided to add a few Ya’lls and Howdys. Unfortunately, where the Oceans movies were sleek and smart LL is strained and dull. There were plot holes big enough to drive a jacked up 4x4 through. Not the least of which was leaving the impression that Charlotte, NC and West Virginia were fairly close together geographically as opposed to several hours apart.

Channing Tatum continues to prove he is a good actor and the story line with his family is interesting. Daniel Craig is genuinely funny in his role but despite a few good parts there just isn’t enough for me to recommend it. The film as a whole was a disappointment.

What Happened to Monday – This is not a theatrical release. It is a NETFLIX exclusive that dropped in August continuing the onslaught of projects produced by the streaming giant. Not having to worry about distribution apparently makes way for an enormous about of studio productivity.

This is a classic sci-fi, action tale. It stars the wonderful Noomi Repace as the Settman siblings. Set 40 years in the future, in an attempt to combat over-population, the earth’s governments have taken drastic actions implementing the One Child Policy. Additionally, using the Child Allocation Bureau they secretly exterminate the “overages” while misleading the people claiming they are just putting the children in cryogenic storage until they find a solution for the over-population. It is all very Logan’s Run. The Settman siblings are 7 identical sisters who have been raised in hiding. To avoid detection they eventually share the public identity of one person, Karen Settman.  Each sibling takes a day of the week out in the world. Coincidentally, their day of the week is also their name, Sunday takes Sunday. Monday takes Monday etc. 

Very, Very Entertaining. Well worth a stay-in date night. The action and suspense is very good. There is quite a bit of violence and at least one very steamy love scene. You’ve been warned.

The Hitman’s Bodyguard – Another straight up, grab the popcorn and turn your brain off action movie. The jokes are smart. The buddy relationship works and all in all it never takes itself too seriously. It isn’t a classic like Die Hard or as well-crafted as Kingsmen but it is still very entertaining.

Ryan Reynolds is as dependable an actor as there is in Hollywood. He’s just likeable. He also has superb comedic timing. Samuel Jackson is Samuel Jackson. He is brash and loud and says the F-word A LOT! If that type of thing bothers you I would suggest another movie. Between the violence and language it earns its R rating.

Unsolicited Movie Review - Dunkirk

Unsolicited Movie Review – Dunkirk

It’s the age old question. If you could go back in time what event would you like relive or even try and change if you could?

There are an infinite number of answers from the birth of Christ to 9/11 and on and on. Well, I have a new entry. I would like to have been in the movie executive’s office circa 1999 when they decided to have Michael Bay direct the upcoming moving Pearl Harbor. Had I been there I would have gently yet forcefully persuaded them to rethink such a decision and hire Christopher Nolan for the position. Then, just maybe, we would have had a raw, emotional, accurate retelling of a quintessential moment in our history that captured the base communal fear and courage it took to survive an event that helped define the nature of our national character and not a 3 hour long, CGI enhanced turd.

Dunkirk, to put it plainly, is a masterpiece. 

From the first minute of the film there is not a single moment to let your guard down emotionally. There is not one minute to control your senses. There is only a race against time and an unseen enemy that is palpable and real throughout the entire movie.

The acting is exceptional all around by stars you know like Kenneth Brannaugh and Tom Hardy as well as those you don’t, like Fionn Whitehead and Barry Keoghan. Also, continuing a stellar 32 year-overnight success acting career, Mark Rylance beautifully encapsulates the stoic, responsible, patriotic, dutiful British citizen to perfection. He like thousands of others answered the call.

But make no mistake about it, film is a director’s medium and Nolan has marshaled his team to make a brilliant film. This is not your father’s war flick. Heck, this is not your war flick. Dunkirk simultaneously makes you concentrate and distracts you. The sound, not just the music, is its own character. And it isn’t a showering of noise like you expect in battle and war films. The sounds are almost laser focused and distinctive to the fear and desperation Nolan is wrapping you in at the time. The noises and sounds have feeling and depth all their own. The cinematography expresses scale and scope like you rarely see on screen. (It reminded me of Lawrence of Arabia.) Every inch of the frame is important and the camera placements show you angles and lines and perspective you aren’t used to seeing. This keeps you on your toes the entire time.

It is also fair to point out that Nolan is famous for playing with sequence and time in his movies. It is his signature. He does it here as well but it is not distracting. It’s brilliant. He not only interweaves three different story lines of three different lengths of time he does so by showing you every major event from three different points of view: the land, the air and the sea. Sometimes you don’t even realize it till its over.

And I haven’t even mentioned what a great history lesson it all is.

Dunkirk is a worthy tribute to the spirit and will of the soldiers stranded on that beach and the nation that rallied to protect their protectors. Strong, Calm, Determined, Unflappable…..Britian!

Honest to goodness, at times it took my breath away.

Oscar Picks 2017 Best Picture

Glitz, Glamour and Glory are all on the table for Sunday night’s Oscars. Diamonds and Limos and Gowns and Tuxedos to celebrate what is quite possibly the saddest bunch of films I can ever remember being nominated for Best Picture. They aren’t bad, quite to the contrary, but good Lord they are sad. Grief, sorrow, loss, misery, shame, if you suffer from it then it probably plays a major role in this year’s selections. I have to admit it was not easy getting through all of them this year. Not because they weren’t entertaining, they were. It was because they were brutally emotional. That is a good thing to be sure but not always an easy thing.

If I have said this once I’ve said this a thousand times. We love movies when we care what happens to the characters. Everything else is just window dressing. How does it make you feel? Do you the viewer buy into what the director is selling? Are you cheering or jeering? If you are doing neither there is a problem. Movies work or don’t work because of the emotional connection made with the viewer. Everything else like lighting, cinematography, editing, music, etc…..can all be great but at the end of the day if we don’t care then nothing else really matters.

This year’s crop contains 3 movies based on actual events, 1 adapted from a play, 1 rewritten from an unpublished short story,  1 musical, 1 alien encounter, 1 modern day western and 1 cinematic kick in the gut!  They are all exceptional films. There is no proverbial turd in this year’s Oscar punch bowl. No particular controversy over nominations. I like it better when there is at least one stinker I can hate. Alas that is not this year. Some I obviously liked more than others but really not a bad one in the bunch.

These are listed in my personal order ranked by how I would vote if I were voting and not what I think will win. So, for the record, I wouldn’t use this for betting unless you want to lose your house.

LION: All these reviews are to a great extent a gut reaction. How did the movie make me feel? This will be my shortest review. I’m not even going to talk about plot because if it weren’t a true story it would be ridiculously unbelievable. Simply put, Lion is the best film I saw this year. It is easily my vote for Best Picture. The story by itself is awe inspiring. Every step of this young man’s life balances between disaster and survival.  Of all the movies in this year’s class Lion won’t get out of my head. The journey of this young man shown by the film elicits shock, sadness, survival, despair, kindness, exhaustion, fear, perseverance, joy and most of all love. It is some kind of beautiful ride.

HIDDEN FIGURES: Hidden Figures follows a tried and true formula. That is not an insult. Historical dramas like this have a formula for a reason. The formula works.  I guess I could go into how the Space Race is used as a mirror image for Civil Rights and how in the end the only way to succeed in either is for the best and brightest of us all to work together regardless of race or color or creed……I could but I won’t. It is much simpler than that. This is a great movie because the film makers took a phenomenal, mostly unknown, story and told it in a compelling albeit formulaic way. The movie is perfectly cast. Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer, Janelle Monáe are superb and deserve all the accolades thrown at them. Through their character’s previously hidden perseverance we are finally shown a more complete picture of our shared history. It’s a history that many thought they knew inside and out. Yet it reminds us that our greatest glories are always the work of more than just the glorified. More importantly it provides long, over-due credit where credit was so obviously due. That is no small or insignificant thing.

Hacksaw Ridge: The real life story of Desmond Doss is more dramatic than anything Hollywood could invent.  Most “true stories” that make it to the big screen are skewered for taking what are usually unnecessary liberties with the story. In stark contrast director Mel Gibson actually had to tone down and cut some the acts of bravery Doss committed on Okinawa in WWII.  Gibson didn’t want the audience to think he was embellishing the story. He couldn’t make this stuff up……literally. You want to know how good this movie is? Mel Gibson, Hollywood Persona Non Grata Extraordinaire, directed it and it still got nominated. Gibson is a skilled film maker. He understands the medium and has as good a connection with his audience as anyone. He recognized that Doss’ entire life was as much the story as his acts of heroism.  In lesser hands this film could have been a debacle. It could have been made into a hundred things it was never intended to be by ignoring all the little things that were actually what was important.  Luckily an unbelievable story about bravery and kindness and duty and faith was made into a powerful movie about bravery, kindness, duty and faith…… What a novel concept.

HELL OR HIGH WATER: Chris Pine is an exceptional, leading man known for big budgets and action. Ben Foster may be the best character actor working in Hollywood. Jeff Bridges successfully occupied both of those positions at different times in his career. Now he’s a grizzled veteran of the screen and as good as ever. Hell or High Water is a well-crafted film. It packs more into less than any film I’ve seen in a long time. A script so well written with dialogue so efficient they succeed in telling an intricate story with as few words as possible. It is quite impressive. 

The story is timely, compelling and most importantly entertaining. There isn’t a single character, even the not-so-good guys, that you aren’t compelled to care about. What else do you need from a film?

Did I mention Jeff Bridges is great?

MANCHESTER BY THE SEA: Upon hearing “He Stopped Loving Her Today” for the first time George Jones reportedly looked at his producers and said, “Great song. But nobody is ever gonna play it on the radio. It’s just too damn sad.” 

It would be hard to imagine the makers of Manchester by the Sea didn’t hear the same sentiments. Luckily for country music, and for cinema, grief is a helluva thing and Manchester by the Sea is a helluva movie. It is gripping and methodical and while the pace is slow it never drags. Every single scene moves the story forward. It continually builds anticipation to learn what happens in these people’s lives and you’re just praying they can finally catch a break. I did find the music to be a distraction in some places but that’s just me being picky. Casey Affleck should and probably will win the Oscar for Best Actor. This is a heartbreaking look at the debilitation grief can have on a life and lives.

MOONLIGHT: This may be the best film of the year.  Initially I thought I just didn’t identify with the lead character in Moonlight.  I’m not gay. I’m not black and I didn’t grow up in a place of such violence and despair with a drug addicted mother. Additionally, it reminds me of another nominated movie from two years ago that I hated titled, “BOYHOOD”. Both follow the main character from youth to manhood. Unlike Boyhood  which follows a working-class white kid and uses the same cast of actors filmed over a 7 year period, Moonlight shows the main character at three distinct stages of his life all played by different actors and in my opinion with much better results. It’s not fair to draw such a straight line between two movies. However, I find it interesting how much more emotionally invested I felt after watching Moonlight even though it never remotely resembles my own life experience.

You are dropped into this boy's, Chiron, life and vividly see what it is like living every day in a constant state of fear. It’s palpable. Mahershala Ali is outstanding as the local drug dealer who becomes a somewhat. stable father figure for the boy. So to be sure Chiron finds rays of love and kindness along the way but even then he’s never more than a step away from danger and fear. Everything and everyone is compromised. How do you trust? How does that effect and mold a soul, even one as kind and beautiful as Chiron's? Moonlight may not be the easiest film to watch which makes it the one film you probably should.

LA LA Land: Taken in pieces La La Land is a mess. The whole first hour is painstakingly dull. While the jazz is great it doesn’t always meld well with some of the more “musical friendly” songs.  Additionally, the numbers are charming and artfully staged. I wouldn’t say any of them are show stopping or all that memorable. Not to mention that Gosling can’t sing and over halfway through the film I couldn’t imagine why in God’s name this movie had been so well received.

Fortunately, we don’t take films in pieces. We take them as a whole. Stone and Gosling are both excellent actors and even more importantly they have superb chemistry. Very much like the chemistry I imagine I would have in real life with Diane Lane if I ever…. You know…. actually meet Diane Lane. But that’s beside the point. 

For the record, I like musicals. Oklahoma, South Pacific, West Side Story, Singing in the Rain, Top Hat, Yankee Doodle Dandy…you name it and I’m in.  La La Land is not in that class but if you give it time and musicals don’t freak you out then the payoff is worth it.

FENCES: Films adapted from plays often choose one of two ways to go. Either they totally embrace the play format and limit the sets and visual aspects of the film (12 Angry Men) or they ignore those limitations and embrace the complex visual opportunities offered by the medium of film (A Few Good Men). Fences it seems tries to hedge its bets.  Washington as the director never seems sure which tactic to use.  The few times they break away to shots outside the “set” it never really advances the story.  It is like they found some extra budget and decided to add a location shot. It is a minor complaint but it does disrupt the flow. Regardless, this movie isn’t about the editing or the setting. It is about the acting and the dialogue and on both those counts Fences is exceptional. Denzel Washington and Viola Davis have few peers. Her rage is fueled by her desperation about his rage and his rage is born from his desperation. It is a vicious circle. It isn't always clear how to make a good movie.

A great cast speaking the exquisite words of August Wilson is not a bad place to start.

  

ARRIVAL: I liked Arrival. I liked it even better when I saw it two years ago as Interstellar.

No, they aren’t the same movie but, you know, they are the same movie. One major difference is Interstellar was actually awesome and Arrival was pretty good. There were also hints of Sphere, Inception and Contact to be fair. 

Don’t get me wrong there is no shame in stealing from other movies and making them into great movies. Steven Spielberg is a master of it. But in order for it to be forgiven the end product needs to be a lot better than Arrival. The acting is strong and it has a great, if not totally original, twist to explain their Sci-fi premise. Unfortunately, it causes more questions than answers. Amy Adams is continuing to amass an impressive body of work. I hope she is going to be around a long time. Again, not a bad film, I think Arrival gets lost in translation up against this year's field of nominees.

Unsolicited Movie Review - LOVING

Unsolicited Movie Review - Loving

With the Oscars coming up I go through a ritual to try and see all the nominated films for Best Picture. By accident I was under the impression that LOVING was nominated for Best Picture. It was not. Although Ruth Negga did receive a nod, well deserved mind you, for Best Actress. However since it isn't nominated for Best Picture I figured I would go ahead and share my review.

This movie is beautiful.

This movie is important.

This movie is well written.

This movie is delicately acted.

This movie is boring as dirt.

Good Lord could somebody have a seminar with the director about pace?

I wouldn't say it is a bad movie. The script and quality of acting are both top-notch. The talent it takes, especially by the two leads, to portray characters with personalities resembling cardboard is impressive. There is meaning and there is value to this film. Let me put it this way. Nobody ever complained that it wasn't longer.

The tag line of this film was “A Landmark Movie”, apparently playing off the landmark Supreme Court decision that it focused on.

The tag line for it should have been “Even boring people can change the world!”

Unsolicited Movie Review - The Magnificent Seven

Unsolicited Movie Review - Remade Classics Edition - (part 1) – The Magnificent Seven

My Dad always gets angry at the thought of remakes. He can't understand why they would remake a good movie. Why not redo the crappy movies? It is a fair point. I suppose it is the same reason Home Depot and Lowes build the same stores side by side. The consumers who want what they have are there. It is the same thing with movies. A good story is a good story. You could argue that all plays, movies and TV shows ever made are all just variations of 6 common stories. You could argue that but you’d also need to be wearing a black turtleneck, sitting in an overpriced cafe wearing a hipster beard and smoking cloves. Regardless we are if nothing else an unoriginal people. We like our comfort food and remakes are basically the mac-n-cheese of the entertainment industry. Sure Mom’s mac-n-cheese was amazing because it was your first and it was seasoned with the salt of emotion. Then your sister-in-law added some smoked gouda and cheddar to her mac-n-cheese and the next thing you know you are wondering what in God's name your Momma was thinking with that crap in the blue box. By the way I'm hungry.

Anyway, back to remakes. To be fair there are some exceptional remakes (or re-visionings for those readers wearing peg-leg pants and smelling of patchouli) that are way beyond entertaining and equaling or bettering the originals on which they are based.

For example:

Scarface with Al Pacino was actually a remake of a 1932 gangster film.

Scorsese's The Departed was a remake of a Japanese thriller

Ocean's Eleven was a dramatically better film than Sinatra's original

Mel Gibson replaced Glen Ford in a new and better Ransom

The Cohen Brother’s True Grit wasn’t as good as the original but it was beyond a solid film.

Pale Rider is nothing but Shane with a girl kid as opposed to a boy.
Heck, the latest Star Wars episode 7 is all but a remake of Star Wars episode 4.

The list goes on and on and on.

The fact is some remakes are really good and some just pound sand. You have to take each on its own merits remembering you can always watch the original anytime. Thank You Amazon!

All of this to tell you about one of a couple of high profile remakes this summer.

The Magnificent Seven – This may be the ultimate remake because the “original” 1960 film is actually a remake itself!!!!! When Steve McQueen and Yul Brynner starred in this classic western they were remaking Akira Kurosawa’s masterpiece “Seven Samurai” and as far as we know Kurosawa got the idea from a traveling puppet show which is strange because I didn't think they had mac-n-cheese in Japan but now I may be mixing my metaphors. Did I mention I’m hungry?

Regardless, the 1960 version is the gold standard of the western genre.  Any list of greatest westerns that doesn’t include it is just not credible. In addition to Brenner and McQueen you have Eli Wallach, James Coburn, Robert Vaughn and the only member of the Magnificent Seven and The Dirty Dozen, Mr. Charles Bronson. It has everything: Screen Legends, awesome character actors, Heroes and Anti-Heroes, Good Vs Evil, hungry peasant villagers, EPIC THEME MUSIC, gunfights, humor, show downs, and…well… everything. Let’s face it. If you could put all that into a movie why in God’s name wouldn’t you want to remake it?

So how does the 2016 version compare?  I don’t really care. The newest version is its own film and to be fair the mass majority of people who see it will never have even heard of the original much less have seen it.  But, while comparing them is a bit pointless it is also a bit inevitable. So here we go.

The 2016 version is an extremely entertaining, well made movie. It’s got everything.
Screen Legends – Denzel Washington is as close to “legendy” (my word) as you get and adding Chris Pratt you get the hottest box office star of the last 5 or 6 years.
Exceptional character actors – Ethan Hawke is superb and at times unrecognizable. Vincent D'Onofrio steals every scene he’s ever in. - Check
Heroes/Anti-Heroes - They are all over the place in the form of hired killers who learn to fight for something besides themselves and gold. - Check

Good vs. Evil – You will want to kill Peter Sarsgaard yourself. Check

Hungry Peasant villagers – Check
EPIC THEME MUSIC – They bastardized the 60’s theme so – check

Gunfights, Humor, show downs – check , check and check  well you get the point.

The movie works. Is it as good at the original? No, but it isn't necessary to be legendary to be great. Like any good film the story is king and it's goal is to make you care for the characters. Cheering for success and mourning defeats is why we are in the seats. The relationships and motivations make sense. For example, the friendship between Goodnight Robicheaux (Hawke) and Billy Rock (Byung-hun Lee) feels so genuine and the ease with which the actors interact conveys such a realistic camaraderie that you can’t help but be moved. There are explosions and jokes and show downs and vengeance and justice and loss and the action sequences are fast and furious and have a little twist for good measure. That’s a full movie remake or not!

Then, after the lights come up, you realize your bucket is empty. This is confusing because you don’t remember eating the entire bucket of popcorn. You realize you must have eaten it because it is gone but the more you think about it the popcorn was awesome. It was warm and filling and….this sounds crazy….but you are pretty sure…Yep!  The popcorn wasn’t popcorn at all. It was your favorite bowl of mac-n-cheese and it was GOOOOOOOD!

Unsolicited Movie Reviews - Summer 2016

Unsolicited Movie Reviews – Summer Edition

The wife and kiddos are taking their annual trip to the lake. I am forced to stay behind with the dogs and hold down the fort. Ok, forced may be a bit of an exaggeration.

Luckily I get to pick all the movies I go see regardless if they are kid friendly.  In truth as my kids keep getting older that list of movies that they can’t see keeps shrinking.  I’m taking advantage of the free time regardless.

Nobody's opinion of Finding Dory, Avengers Civil War, Star Trek and the Secret Life of Pets is going to keep them from making obscene amounts of money and they should. They are solid entertainment.  For my money the best one of the bunch this summer was X-Men Apocolypse, but that is beside the point.

I picked two movies that are still in the theaters and two I watched at home.  A true crime story,  a buddy flick/ period piece, a sci-fi action thriller and the most recent installment of an iconic franchise made the list. Each has a good to great story with compelling characters and A-List actors across the board. 

Jason Bourne – Did you love the first three Jason Bourne movies?  Well you’ll love this one. That doesn’t mean it’s a canned remake of past success. It is a true continuation of the story but it could stand on its own. Some sequels are wholly reliant on the previous films. This movie is so good and complete that if you’ve never seen the first films this movie will make you want to go back and watch the others.

Phenomenal action sequences that are actually action sequences and not some whored-out, cgi, BS cartoon of an action sequence.  The chase through the Athen’s riots will be studied by film students for years. Fast paced, succinct dialogue, rich backstory and awesome action, throw in Matt Damon, Tommy Lee Jones and the finest film actress of her generation Joan Allen and it is hard not to just love this movie.

To be clear I liked it…….a lot.

The Infiltrator – After a career-altering role like Walter White many actors would coast away. A role like that has a tendency to permanently typecast an actor. Let’s face it most everything after that could be a letdown. Think Dennis Franz and Andy Scipowitz. Bryan Cranston is refusing to take that path.  

The Infiltrator is a true story based on a novel written by a US Customs agent. He worked undercover in Miami during the height of Pablo Escobar’s cocaine empire. This story follows the efforts to go after Pablo by going after his money and international network of businesses that enabled the cartels to operate with impunity by washing their billions.

To be fair we have seen this story before, Donnie Brasco, Prince of New York and most recently American Hustle to name a few.  That could be a bad thing but luckily this genre lends itself to drama, thrills and apparently a never ending supply of engaging stories to tell. The pacing is a little slow at times but the performances are strong and regardless of familiarity to the subject it is a compelling chapter in history. It is also the story of a patriots and heroes sacrificing and placing themselves in harm’s way and that is never a small thing.

Nice Guys – Funniest movie and the most fun movie I’ve seen this year.  It is a buddy movie where both buddies are really down on their luck and more than a little, ethically challenged.  Los Angeles in the 70’s looks awesome and thankfully they don’t make it look like the costume party so many period pieces like this seem to become. 

The best way I can describe it is China Town goes disco with a lot more jokes and without all the incest.

Admittedly, the mystery our heroes are hired to solve is rather typical including an unsolved murder, a lost girl and ties to the seedy underground of LA. That is OK . This movie works because the two leads work, period.

Ryan Gosling is quickly becoming one of the most reliable quantities in Hollywood.  Gosling proves the comedic chops he showed in The Big Short were not a fluke.

Russel Crowe is not aging gracefully and it’s a beautiful thing.  Out of shape and looking like he ate all the animals from the ill-conceived Ark he plays a great down on his luck enforcer. When Crowe played The Gladiator he was the man all men wanted to be and all women wanted to be with.  Now he’s playing the overweight , recovering alcoholic that men realize they could be and women are afraid they’ll have to settle for.  Now that’s range.

The chemistry works and ironically its Crowe playing Bud Abbot to Gosling's handsome Lou Costello. It is not family friendly but simply put it made me laugh.

Criminal - his isn’t Citizen Kane. This is a 90 minute popcorn eater of a film with great actors and great action. It’s sci-fi in the vain of Face-Off but lacking the same cheese over-acting and self-indulgent direction.

It is a common tale.  Spy has information that will save the world. Spy has uber-hot wife.  Spy get’s killed. CIA uses experimental treatment to transfer the dead spy’s memories to the mind of a homicidal sociopath.  Hilarity ensues!

Kevin Costner, Gary Oldman, Tommy Lee Jones and Gal Gadot! 
Stellar cast for a really entertaining movie. The film is definitely violent but not sadistic.


There they are.  Four movies without any superheroes with great actors and great action!  Enjoy