Unsolicited Movie Review - The Magnificent Seven

Unsolicited Movie Review - Remade Classics Edition - (part 1) – The Magnificent Seven

My Dad always gets angry at the thought of remakes. He can't understand why they would remake a good movie. Why not redo the crappy movies? It is a fair point. I suppose it is the same reason Home Depot and Lowes build the same stores side by side. The consumers who want what they have are there. It is the same thing with movies. A good story is a good story. You could argue that all plays, movies and TV shows ever made are all just variations of 6 common stories. You could argue that but you’d also need to be wearing a black turtleneck, sitting in an overpriced cafe wearing a hipster beard and smoking cloves. Regardless we are if nothing else an unoriginal people. We like our comfort food and remakes are basically the mac-n-cheese of the entertainment industry. Sure Mom’s mac-n-cheese was amazing because it was your first and it was seasoned with the salt of emotion. Then your sister-in-law added some smoked gouda and cheddar to her mac-n-cheese and the next thing you know you are wondering what in God's name your Momma was thinking with that crap in the blue box. By the way I'm hungry.

Anyway, back to remakes. To be fair there are some exceptional remakes (or re-visionings for those readers wearing peg-leg pants and smelling of patchouli) that are way beyond entertaining and equaling or bettering the originals on which they are based.

For example:

Scarface with Al Pacino was actually a remake of a 1932 gangster film.

Scorsese's The Departed was a remake of a Japanese thriller

Ocean's Eleven was a dramatically better film than Sinatra's original

Mel Gibson replaced Glen Ford in a new and better Ransom

The Cohen Brother’s True Grit wasn’t as good as the original but it was beyond a solid film.

Pale Rider is nothing but Shane with a girl kid as opposed to a boy.
Heck, the latest Star Wars episode 7 is all but a remake of Star Wars episode 4.

The list goes on and on and on.

The fact is some remakes are really good and some just pound sand. You have to take each on its own merits remembering you can always watch the original anytime. Thank You Amazon!

All of this to tell you about one of a couple of high profile remakes this summer.

The Magnificent Seven – This may be the ultimate remake because the “original” 1960 film is actually a remake itself!!!!! When Steve McQueen and Yul Brynner starred in this classic western they were remaking Akira Kurosawa’s masterpiece “Seven Samurai” and as far as we know Kurosawa got the idea from a traveling puppet show which is strange because I didn't think they had mac-n-cheese in Japan but now I may be mixing my metaphors. Did I mention I’m hungry?

Regardless, the 1960 version is the gold standard of the western genre.  Any list of greatest westerns that doesn’t include it is just not credible. In addition to Brenner and McQueen you have Eli Wallach, James Coburn, Robert Vaughn and the only member of the Magnificent Seven and The Dirty Dozen, Mr. Charles Bronson. It has everything: Screen Legends, awesome character actors, Heroes and Anti-Heroes, Good Vs Evil, hungry peasant villagers, EPIC THEME MUSIC, gunfights, humor, show downs, and…well… everything. Let’s face it. If you could put all that into a movie why in God’s name wouldn’t you want to remake it?

So how does the 2016 version compare?  I don’t really care. The newest version is its own film and to be fair the mass majority of people who see it will never have even heard of the original much less have seen it.  But, while comparing them is a bit pointless it is also a bit inevitable. So here we go.

The 2016 version is an extremely entertaining, well made movie. It’s got everything.
Screen Legends – Denzel Washington is as close to “legendy” (my word) as you get and adding Chris Pratt you get the hottest box office star of the last 5 or 6 years.
Exceptional character actors – Ethan Hawke is superb and at times unrecognizable. Vincent D'Onofrio steals every scene he’s ever in. - Check
Heroes/Anti-Heroes - They are all over the place in the form of hired killers who learn to fight for something besides themselves and gold. - Check

Good vs. Evil – You will want to kill Peter Sarsgaard yourself. Check

Hungry Peasant villagers – Check
EPIC THEME MUSIC – They bastardized the 60’s theme so – check

Gunfights, Humor, show downs – check , check and check  well you get the point.

The movie works. Is it as good at the original? No, but it isn't necessary to be legendary to be great. Like any good film the story is king and it's goal is to make you care for the characters. Cheering for success and mourning defeats is why we are in the seats. The relationships and motivations make sense. For example, the friendship between Goodnight Robicheaux (Hawke) and Billy Rock (Byung-hun Lee) feels so genuine and the ease with which the actors interact conveys such a realistic camaraderie that you can’t help but be moved. There are explosions and jokes and show downs and vengeance and justice and loss and the action sequences are fast and furious and have a little twist for good measure. That’s a full movie remake or not!

Then, after the lights come up, you realize your bucket is empty. This is confusing because you don’t remember eating the entire bucket of popcorn. You realize you must have eaten it because it is gone but the more you think about it the popcorn was awesome. It was warm and filling and….this sounds crazy….but you are pretty sure…Yep!  The popcorn wasn’t popcorn at all. It was your favorite bowl of mac-n-cheese and it was GOOOOOOOD!