Unsolicited Movie Review - 2018 Summer Edition

Unsolicited Movie Review - 2018 Summer Edition

The best time of year in the world of movies is Oscar Season. Late fall through the end of the year most of the contenders get released to beat the awards deadline and still be fresh in the voter’s minds.

A close second is the summer blockbuster season. For the most part, these are different kinds of films. Big budget, popcorn eaters with action and stars typically rule the day. Traditionally, there are a few good comedies and rom-coms, mystery/capers, horrors and now what has seemingly turned into its own genre Super Hero Movies. It is a mixed bag and a little something for everyone except for pretentious think-pieces that question the innersoles of the characters and the righteousness of humanity. You’ll have to wait till at least October to learn the meaning of life.

So every year I usually do a quick run-down of a few of my favorite summer pics. My number of enthusiastic recommendations was fewer than expected this year. It has been a little different season so I’ve changed it up to include a look at a lot of films from the summer.

Personally, I can’t remember a more disappointing summer movie season. There were some bright spots but as a rule I rated it Extra Medium. Just BLAH! Some I have already written about but here is a quick breakdown of what I saw this summer. Worst to Best! Sort of! Don’t Agree? Tell me about it I can handle it.

Alpha – OMEGaaaaahd I hated it. (Movie was gorgeous. At least it had that.)

Equalizer 2 – Should have been called FERTILIZER 2. What a turd. Don’t get me wrong I love Denzel and loved the first Equalizer. It had that unexpected element like Taken. But the sequel is an absolute mess. Aside from a few great fight sequences and some promising new characters the rest of the story is all over the place. There are ridiculous holes in the script that are just unforgivable at this level of movie production. Denzel famously hasn’t done sequels in his career…..this is why.

Breaking In – Despite a clichéd premise the movie had a better than average cast. They made it watchable until the end but when but it was over you just wanted to punch the writers in the privates.

Ocean’s 8 – Ocean’s 11 was such a good movie Steven Soderburgh decided to make 2 sequels. Ocean’s 12 and Ocean’s 13. Those were pretty good so he deep fried the script and made Logan Lucky. Never one to resist beating a dead horse he then decided to produce an all-female version. It was fine. A similar concept to the Ghostbuster’s remake with much better results to be sure but please, Steven Soderburgh, for all that’s holy stop. Unless of course you want to make Ocean’s 300 with me and a bunch of fat actors dressed up like Spartans trying to rob a Dunkin Donuts. Now, that would be worth watching.

MEG – Read the book 15 years ago and remembered thinking this would make a great movie one day when the special effects were doable. After the first Jurassic Park all special effects were doable. So I watched it in a matinee and didn’t fall asleep. There were way too many characters to care about any of them and the blatant pandering to the Asian movie market was a tad obvious. Don’t expect Jason Statham to have too many emotional moments but the sharks are cool and a few laughs.

Jurassic Park Fallen Kingdom – What do you want me to say. It was slick and they have this premise figured out to be entertaining. Nothing new but at least they do the same stuff over and over pretty well.

Sicario: Day of Soldado – Not nearly as compelling as the first film. The loss of Emily Blunt’s character and the absence of any counterbalance to del Toro and Brolin hurt the movie. That being said it set up a 3rd film perfectly. The writer, Taylor Sheridan, has had as good of a 3 year run as you will ever see penning 3 of the best 15 movies since 2015. (Sicario, Hell or High Water and Wind River). This film isn't as good as those three but still worth a watch and a study.

Incredibles 2 – It was fun and smart and everything you would expect. It was also been way too long since the first movie.

Avengers: Infiniti Wars – My Mom loved elephants. She had elephant earrings and necklaces and shirts. It was her thing. She also had a number of elephant figurines she had collected over the years. Some were from gifts some from purchases and there were probably 30 of them. One time she decided to display them on top of a cabinet in my bathroom. I would sit there pondering all these elephants with tusks and trunks intertwined as I conducted my business. One day I remarked to my mother that the top of that cabinet looked like a Pachydermal Orgy. She took them down a few days later.
I tell you this because that is what I was reminded of watching Avengers Infinity Wars. It just looked like a big super hero spandex orgy with no sex. I keep saying I’ve almost hit critical mass with super hero movies. Was this the one that pushes me over the edge? Probably not though. I’m a glutton.

DeadPool 2 – If Iron Man got to use the F-Bomb and was poor.

The Spy Who Dumped Me - Better that it had any right to be. Kate McKinnon is funny. She has to be directed and a good director is needed to edit her and make her look “all the time” funny. Here she was great. Kunis was a more than respectable Abbot to McKinnon’s Costello.
I have to admit, maybe because there are more female directors getting big films, I’ve seen more male genitalia in main stream films in the past 3 years than I saw in the my previous 43 years on this earth combined. I’m all for girl power and hats off for more opportunities but are all the saggy, old man balls really the legacy these ladies want to give to film?

Solo – The amount of butt hurt over poor little Solo only grossing 400 million dollars aside, I thought it was a great prequel. Ron Howard stepped out of the traditional Star Wars script and turned in an intergalactic Buddy movie. Don’t believe the whining. This is superb film making.

AntMan and The Wasp – Compared to the Spandex Orgy that was Infinity War it was nice not to have the fate of humanity hinge on the outcome. Paul Rudd is superb and extremely likable but the supporting cast is equally as watchable. Please, so I don’t pull the cord, more super hero movies like this please.

Mission Impossible Fallout – IMO, Tom Cruise is a bit of a nut. Ok, he is all of a nut. But there are two kinds of crazy. One type is when you strip off your clothes and go into your back yard and howl at the moon. The second type is when you strip off your clothes and come into my back yard and howl at the moon while upsetting my dogs. The first one I don’t mind. The second, I take kind of personal. That’s Tom Cruise. I don’t care what he thinks about psychoanalysis or Prozac or that he thinks he’s an alien. That’s howling in his back yard. I take more offense at the fact of how horrible Mission Impossible II was. It sucked out loud and I’m sure I pissed away $20 watching. That’s howling in my back yard. It was the one aberration in this series. Luckily, starting with MI3 he put all his proverbial clothes back on and just howls at the box office. Slick, sophisticated with phenomenal action sequences involving honest to goodness stunts. Yes he’s as crazy as a loon but he is a full blown movie star and knows what to do with an audience.

PS
An outlier from the summer BlacKkKlansman is worth its own writeup that I'll do at a later time