Roaring Sound of Silence

What I remember was the silence.  I remember thinking the silence was strange because of the number of people bustling about. The doctor and a couple of nurses were taking care of my wife Shelli. Four other nurses, maybe more, were calmly but quickly taking care of my newborn son.  I stood at the foot of my wife’s bed staring at the stainless steel and ceramic tile walls of the delivery room. I was rattled but I didn’t want Shelli to see I was nervous. Nervous hell!  I was scared.  When a child is born you don’t want to hear silence.  You want to hear crying and laughter and cheers and ‘Congratulations Dad!’ All I could hear was my heart thumping in my chest and the prayers in my head pleading that he was OK.

Our first pregnancy was just too easy. I understand only a man can say a pregnancy was easy but as pregnancies go it was smooth. Excited and nervous as we were things seemed to go as planned. There was a bathtub, an aerobics ball, a midwife, hippie music and a delivery room that looked like a hotel suite.  Shell did it all without an epidural and it was pretty much perfect and our little baby girl was perfect.

So when we found out we were pregnant again I was convinced we were that couple that has easy pregnancies.  Yes, I know there is no such thing. Did I mention I am a man? Seriously I thought we had this thing licked.  The plan was good.  We were on schedule to have our daughter potty trained before our new one arrived.  Vacations and sick leaves were all set for the new arrival.  With a due date in early March Shelli would miss being “very pregnant” in the heat of summer.  She had the added benefit of celebrating the holidays with a good excuse to eat anything she wanted.  Then on the Saturday before Christmas we were about to leave for some last minute shopping.  Shelli was in the floor with our daughter and she said something didn’t feel right.  She didn’t act shocked or scared but I could tell she was concerned.  We called the doctor and fifteen minutes later we were at the hospital. Ten minutes later Shelli was on bed rest for the foreseeable future. She was in premature labor and needed to be on IV medication. But even then I wasn’t panicked. Concerned?  Absolutely but I’m a cockeyed optimist and figured all we needed was time, medicine and a deep breath.  Shelli was just pushing herself too hard and this was God’s way of telling her to slow down.  Got it! Message Received!  Thanks God. We’ll see you in March. 

Not so fast.

After making sure our daughter was squared away at a friend’s house I began calling family to let them know Christmas plans had been altered.  I still remember telling Shelli’s mother about the premature labor.  “Oh no. It’s so early.” she said.  The words were so faint that to this day I’m not sure she even knew she said them out loud. That was the first time I got nervous. That is when the questions started flooding my head.  Early?  What does that mean for the baby?  Would there be birth defects? What kind of defects?  Could they be mental or physical? Eyes? Ears? Arms? Heart? Lungs? EVERYTHING!!!!  In that moment I realized how much I didn’t know.  

The next few days, while tedious, were also very special.  We sat in a hospital room trying to watch TV or talk. There were obviously discussions with doctors and ultrasounds and shots. Shelli even had her hair washed by a nurse and I remember thinking it was funny that they caught the water in a 20 gallon trash can. It is odd the things you remember.  There was also a lot of laughing and hand holding and hugs and tears. Most of the time was spent choosing a name.

Well a girl’s name at least.  As agreed upon before we were married if the first child was a girl my wife would get to pick the name and if it was a boy I would get the honor.  The other spouse would choose the next child’s name regardless of sex. Each of us had veto powers.  Since we chose not to learn the sex of either of our children it was important to be prepared. I always knew my first son would be named Daniel.  But I had never selected a girl’s name and in my defense I thought I had eleven more weeks to decide.  So, we embarked on a quest for a girl’s name.  There were dozens we liked but more we hated.  Names with “history” got nixed.  Former girlfriend’s names were out immediately, go figure.  We had a white board up so we could visualize the names.  It turned into a game.  Once we narrowed it down to 5 sets of names with no clear favorite we let the nurses vote.  If our baby was a girl her name would be “Sela Rose”.  For the record my wife used veto power on my first choice “Matilda”. I still think it was a mistake.

Wednesday morning we got good news.  Shelli got to go to the bathroom and take a real shower. She literally cried with excitement. The labor looked like it had stopped and we had a girl’s name. It was the most optimistic we had been in several days. Then all hell broke loose.  We had a couple of visitors that morning. Shelli started feeling uncomfortable. A little while later the doctor confirmed that labor and started again. He explained that it may be possible to slow the labor again but it was unlikely to stop completely. His suggestion was to deliver this baby and deal with any issues they may arise. Again your mind starts racing with possibilities.  We took a deep breath and said OK. For the next couple of hours Shelli kept progressing through her labor.  The doctor and I spent most of time at the foot of her bed talking about the Harry Potter books we had just read.  Did I mention the doctor and I were both men?

It was time. Contraction intervals, dilation centimeters and effacement ratios were all aligned.  There was no hippie music, no midwife, no aerobics ball in the corner. There were doctors and nurses wheeling Shelli into what looked like an operating room.  There was stainless steel and lights and tile and a small bucket at the end of the bed.  There was a team of nurses waiting in the corner.  Everyone was in scrubs and there was a sense of urgency.  In short it was entirely different from our first pregnancy. At 29 weeks our baby was obviously not very big.  The delivery itself was relatively short.  After a couple of pushes it was “Hello and Welcome to the world”.

After a quick look the nurses whisked him way. It’s a Boy!  Daniel was here.  The doctor turned his focus to Shelli and the nurses had Daniel under a heat lamp doing whatever it is they do.  I faced the wall trying to catch my breath.  There it  was, that silence.  Why wasn’t he screaming?  My daughter screamed immediately. I didn’t know much but I knew he was supposed to scream.  Pleads and prayers were still pounding.  I stood there for what seemed like 10 minutes and heard nothing.  It was just so damn quiet.

“Woo hoo” was the first thing I heard.  It cut through the air.  It wasn’t Daniel but a nurse.  It was followed by “He’s peeing Dad.  Daniel’s peeing.”  Finally came the faintest cry.  A wail or a screech or whatever you want to call it from his tiny little lungs.  Then everything came rushing in.  I heard him and the nurses and all the other sounds surrounding me.  I didn’t know everything that was to come but I knew right then he was crying and peeing and I’ve never felt more relief in my life.  I wiped my eyes and walked back to Shelli. Daniel was taken to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) for further assessments. As soon as we were settled we got word from the nursery that Daniel weighed 3 lbs 9oz., more optimism.  That was huge for 29 weeks.  We didn’t know when we would get to see Daniel. We did know he had 10 fingers and 10 toes and a little stuffed goat that was a gift from the staff. We knew he didn’t need a respirator and that was everything.

It would be seven weeks before we got to take Daniel home. This would be seven weeks of hospital gowns, NICU beds, hand sanitizer, IVs, doctor’s rounds, late nights and getting to know the caring and dedicated staff of the NICU.  September is NICU Awareness Month and that is why I decided to share this story.  My wife and I became AWARE of our NICU the hard way.  The dedication and care shown to my family by the administrators, nurses and doctors of East Carolina University Medical Center leaves me a debt of gratitude I will never be able to fully repay.

The day after Daniel was born was Christmas. Our neighbors broke into our house to “steal” the presents Shelli and I had bought each other and wrapped them for us.  We could only see Daniel a few hours a day and our daughter was at her Grandmother’s house.  So we spent that Christmas eating snacks, watching movies, sitting quietly and feeling grateful for the showers of blessing that were being rained down upon us. I had a beautiful wife, a wonderful 2 year old daughter, my son Daniel Darrow York and I had quiet. But, this quiet I heard wasn’t scary. It was soothing and peaceful like a good quiet should be.  

Thanks to My Movie Loving Father

Thanks to my movie loving Father.

Inspired by a family friend, my 14 year old daughter and I have embarked on a task to see the American Film Institute's (AFI.com) top 50 movies of all time.  This seems like a great exercise to 1) spend time with my teenage daughter and 2) give her a leg up on annoying her friends with useless movie quotes applicable to any situation for decades to come.  

Win-Win!

Concerning the latter, it has been suggested on occasion in the course of regular conversation I will, to a somewhat annoying degree, quote movie lines and draw parallels using arcane film references. I submit the complaints are exaggerated but after you hear the same observation a few thousand times you begin to lend it some credence. If it is true then the only person to blame is my father.  So, why wouldn’t I want to pass along such a glorious trait to my daughter?  It is a family tradition.

Growing up in the dark ages of the 70’s and 80’s with no internet, heck we didn't even have cable tv. So, my father was a boiled-down, human version of IMDB.com.  He was notorious for picking out actors in old movies and tv shows and pointing out all the other movies where they appeared. He was particularly adept at cast members of old westerns but he loved musicals, dramas and comedies equally. Daddy was also prone to break into songs that related to whatever subject he happened to be discussing at the time but that is a story for another day.  Regardless, when he talked about movies it usually led to stories about what was going on in his life at the time. “Oh, I saw that in college" or "Your Mother was pregnant with your sister when we saw this.” It would lead to other tales and stories and the next thing you know we had a conversation and I had learned something about my Dad I didn't know before. Films acted as a time line and mental post-it notes for our family history.

Now this isn’t necessarily a project I could do with my 12 year old son.  He cannot stand B&W films and is suspicious of my “old movies” in general. My daughter on the other hand likes to humor her old man and even loves classic movies. Charlie Chaplin is a particular favorite. Now, because of Chaplin’s movies my daughter has new appreciation and points of reference to help her understand things like the Great Depression (The Kid) or industrialization (Modern Times) or fascism (The Great Dictator). It has also given us another line of conversation and anyone with teenagers knows you don’t take those opportunities lightly.  But hey, I had a good teacher.

I just got off the phone with my Father. I told him about this little project with his granddaughter and then spent an hour listening to him talk about films he remembered from when he was young.  He is 78 and can still remember going with his older sister to see Wuthering Heights when he was 6 or 7. As a boy of 9 or 10 he would go see serial westerns at the Strand on Main St. in our hometown. The small college he attended in the mountains of North Carolina would have a movie night in the auditorium and he vividly remember seeing Martin Luther and in his words it really “…dug into me.”  I asked him if he remembered the family going to see Star Wars when I was 6 and if he remembered falling asleep about an hour into it. He just laughed.  Then I recalled us going to see Pete’s Dragon and having to keep it a secret from my Grandmother for some reason.  Then he reminded me it was because we skipped a church event to go see it and that was a BIG NO NO. Then we actually couldn't remember which movie we skipped church to go see but we are certain about skipping! HA!

Movies are and have always been more than my entertainment. They are topics for conversation. They encompass and reinforce life lessons. They give me a sense of time and historical reference for different eras and places. They are escapism. They are educational and even though I didn’t always realize it at the time they have been a way for me to bond with both of my parents but especially my Dad. I want to open that same line of connection with both my children and in doing so connect them a little more with their grandfather. I’m just thankful I kept an open mind, listened to my Old Man and watched a bunch of “dumb old” movies even the black and white ones.

In honor of Father’s Day here is a list of 11 movies I first watched on the recommendation of my father.  Thanks a ton Old Man.  I love you!

11 Movies I'm Grateful My Dad Got Me to Watch!  (in no particular order)

Inherit the Wind - No other film describes the relationship with my Dad and films as this one. It led to conversations about faith, science, truth and principle. It led to a life long interest in the career of Clarence Darrow. So much so that my son's middle name is Darrow. It is deep, thoughtful and poignant. Spencer Tracy and Fredrick March chew up the screen and I might never have watched it if it weren't for my Dad.
"As long as the prerequisite of that shining paradise is ignorance, bigotry and hate, I say the hell with it." Henry Drummond

Yankee Doodle Dandy – Single favorite scene of any movie ever. James Cagney tap dancing down the steps of the White House is as satisfying of an ending I’ve ever watched on film.  Anytime you mention this scene my Dad still smiles.

Lilies of the Field – My father is as kind and gentle a person as I have ever known. He has always tried to do what is right to the best of his ability and often to his detriment.  I think about him and my mother every time I see acts of decency in movies and in life.

The Big Country – My Dad was a huge Charlton Heston fan. Me, not so much but he is great in this movie in a supporting role.  Gregory Peck stars and Burl Ives won his Oscar. Dad is also sucker for a brunette and Jean Simmons was no slouch.

Mister Roberts – Daddy reveres this movie. He constantly misquotes Ensign Pulver’s last line but never the less it was one of his favorites.  WWII was such a huge part of Dad’s childhood and all the great war movies from the 40’s were popular.

“What’s all this crud about no movie tonight?”  

The Cowboys – “We’re burning daylight!”

Daddy was a true fan of the Duke. “The Alamo”, “Chisum”, “Rio Bravo”, “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance”, “She Wore a Yellow Ribbon”, “The Searchers” and on and on and on.  Dad would say “Of all the movies John Wayne walked through the Cowboys was the best.” ha!

Brigadoon – Dad is a sucker for musicals, which was great because so was my Mom. He was also a fan of Van Johnson.  I think he was just enamored with big guy who could tap dance.  This may be my favorite Gene Kelly movie. 

Blazing Saddles – My mother used to tell the story of going to the theater with Dad to see this movie. My father laughed so hard during the “Campfire Beans” scene that he was leaning over the edge of his seat slapping the floor in the aisle.  The visual of my father laughing that hard always makes me happy.

To Kill a Mockingbird – If Daddy said it once he said it a thousand times, “How great it would be if more people viewed the world like Atticus Finch.”  Amen!

The Quiet Man – 
Just an epic fight scene.

Dad used to laugh at how silly movie fights were.  “Dear Lord” he would say.  They beat on each other for an hour and nobody even has a bruise.

No Time for Sergeants - Being from NC we were huge Andy Griffith fans. I remembered being shocked to find out Andy did more than just the TV show. I watched it for first time 35 years ago and it still makes me belly laugh every time I see it.  

                    “Ah, listen there.  Somebody must have brung their bugle.”

I will never be able to say thank you enough!

Pandora is a Tempting Seductress!

Pandora is a tempting seductress!

She starts off the morning bright, playful and full of soul with Van Morrison’s Brown Eyed Girl.

Then she settles easily under the covers with a live version of "A Pirate Looks at Forty" with Jimmy Buffet and Jack Johnson.

But she's not done.  She reminds you, not that she needs to, that her algorithm is smart, full, luscious and in no way shallow with Bob Marley’s "Buffalo Soldier".

Then she ramps up the energy using all her skills and knowledge to pamper you with the not-so-guilty pleasure of Lynyrd Skynyrd’s "Sweet Home Alabama".

If that wasn't enough she changes speed to wind you down with the images of sun and beaches and days on the sand. She reminds you that all good things will eventually come to an end with Zac Brown’s "Toes".

Then…..all of a sudden…..Pandora jumps up, grabs a bucket of ice water and laughs at your vulnerability as she dumps a gallon of Jason Aldean’s Take A Little Ride?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!?

WTH Pandora.  You frigid Slut!

Unsolicited Musical Review - OKLAHOMA!

Unsolicited Musical Review  (see what I did there?) - OKLAHOMA!

Took the fam to High Point Community Theater's (HPCT) production of OKLAHOMA!  A classic show brought to life in a GREAT production by a talented group of theater hands, actors and volunteers.

This is Community Theater? As a rule you aren't dealing with folks who make their living in the arts. You have bankers, students, stay-at-home Moms, the occasional eccentric who happens to know how to run a light board and any number of folks who make their living everywhere but the theater. They all merge together and put on a show. So Community Theater can be a crap shoot. Some are more reliable than others and heading into their 40th season HPCT is about as reliable as you get. 40 years? Carter was still in office for God's sake.

The GOOD - (cast and crew) - This was the opening night of an amateur theater production with a huge cast of 51 actors.  So it is to be expected that many in the cast are in their first production.  This is a show with fight scenes, large production numbers, a full orchestra and tons of choreographed movement all over the place.  In other words there are ample opportunities for disaster. No worries. This troupe carried it off without a hitch. I saw ONE minor technical gaffe in a three hour production on opening night. That is nuts.  There may have been more but as it should be the audience never knew just as the Good Lord intended and the Good Director prayed it would happen

.

The VERY GOOD - (Set Design/Lighting Design) - Visually it was a beautiful production. From the vast backdrop of an Oklahoma wheat field to the star-specked expanse of the Oklahoma sky the set and lighting designs were superb. Tricky transitions from live to dream sequences that could have been clumsy and confusing were sharp and concise. The set and lighting were precise and effective. Each enhanced the storytelling which is what they are supposed to do.  My 12 year old, who didn't know the show, followed along easily. 

(Featured Players) - A quick word about the featured parts. Jud Frye (Michael Jones), Ali Hakim (James Litteljohn), Aunt Eller (Ivey Harris) and Will Parker (Noah Dalton) are the colorful details that paint this show and these actors were more than up to the task. No opening night jitters here.  No missed cues. They attacked these beloved roles and took very good care of all of them.

The GREAT - (Curly and Laurey and Ado Annie) -. 

Ado Annie (Michelle Martino) was, to put it mildly, a force. "I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say No" was a show stopper. The worry is that the actor puts all her energy in that one song and the rest of the performance would be less energetic. Miss Martino carried the energy throughout the rest of the show and as Ado Annie she chewed up the scenery. She didn’t miss a laugh. Not one.

Curly (Bryan Cox) and Laurey (Kathryn Muhlenkamp) - The silliest complaint you will ever hear about community productions is "Well its not Broadway or It didn't sound as good as the record".  WELL DUH!  This isn't Broadway. That being said Mr. Cox and Ms. Muhlenkamp are Broadway level vocalists. Are they Shirley Jones and Gordon McCrae?  No. But then again neither is anyone else. 

Both actor's vocals were top notch. Mr. Cox's Curly was full of life and playful. Mrs. Muhlenkamp's Laurey was beyond delightful. They had chemistry as a couple. You believed it when they kissed. Their jokes worked and dammit, both of them can really, really sing. Could either of them be on Broadway? Absolutely.  Will either ever get an opportunity or have the desire?  Who knows?  But, at least for now, they are here along with the rest of a wonderful theater troupe sweeping down the plains of High Point.  This is a thoroughly enjoyable show.

The show runs for the rest of the weekend at the High Point Theater tonight through Sunday. As I understand it tickets are still available.  Just call 336-887-3001 for the box office. Or visit their website for more info

http://www.highpointtheatre.com/boxoffice.asp

So be like Ado Annie and Don't Say No.  Trust me.  You're gonna get lucky! 

Oscar Picks 2015 Best Picture

With the Oscars upon us I put together a few thoughts on this year’s Best Picture nominees.  All you can do is judge the films in front of you for how they made you feel. Every year has its controversies and snubs. My favorite film of the year was “Interstellar”.  It’s not even nominated.  I’ll live.  The fact is every movie based on actual events contains inaccuracies. It’s the same case this year. Three movies about real events and I guarantee you every one of them takes significant, artistic license and portrays historical inaccuracies.  You know what else?  Poop stinks, sugar makes you fat and not everybody is going love you.  Life goes on.   These are listed in my personal order ranked by how I would vote if I were voting.   For the record the two movies I liked the least are the most likely to win the Oscar.  My bet is that “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) takes the prize.  Guess we will find out Sunday.

American Sniper – One of the two best movies I saw this year. The other one wasn’t nominated (Interstellar).  More than any other film it stayed with me after I left the theater. Rarely will you see a movie about war that you can describe as subtle and understated, at least not a great one. Bradley Cooper enveloped his character every bit as much as Eddie Redmayne as Stephen Hawking in “The Theory of Everything”. It just isn’t as obvious due to the subject matter.  Eastwood is consistently one of the finest directors Hollywood has ever produced. His handling of this film (especially the ending) and the choices he makes (fake baby aside) just proves it even more.

Whiplash – If it weren’t for American Sniper this would get my vote. It is powerful, fast, emotional, disturbing and deceptively one of the most technically brilliant movies of the year.  This one stuck with me as well. JK Simmons’ brutal portrayal of a megalomaniacal music instructor is something most actors only dream of doing. He crushes it as does his student played by Miles Teller. This isn’t a quiet, little drama with two main characters that could have just as easily been a stage play. The technical prowess used by the filmmakers interweaving intricate jazz compositions with mind-boggling editing really transform this into a film to be studied.  I cannot recommend this movie enough.

The Imitation Game – A historical drama about a little known aspect of the espionage and science used to the defeat the Germans is right up my alley.  Cumberbatch is superb as is all the cast. In a lot of ways it reminded me of “The Social Network”. The way the film makes the “invention” of computer science suspenseful is a bit of minor miracle.  

“Sometimes it is the people who no one imagines anything of who do the things that no one can imagine.”  AMEN

Selma – Strong Film. Important Film.  The part I liked most about the film was that it showed King in a much rawer light that I have seen him in the past. So often and rightly so he is shown as the figure head and CEO of the movement. He was also a “roll up your sleeves” activist. He was a tactician and planner and I think that gets lost at times. The acting was excellent all around. I do find it interesting that we often get British actors to portray some of our most American of icons.  I don’t have a problem with it. I just find it interesting. Seems to me Denzel was a marvelous Malcom X and George C. Scott was and still is George Patton. We didn’t have a single long tall Texan who could take on LBJ or a black actor who could bubble up the spirit of MLK?  If we ever sent Martin Sheen to play Churchill the Brits would start another war.

The Theory of Everything – As a rule I like biographies. There is something inherently dramatic about the lives of people who have overcome obstacles and struggles. It is almost cheating in a way because you don’t have to manufacture the drama. Regardless it usually works and it works here. That being said I don’t know if it works so well as to make it a Best Picture of the Year nominee.  I’ve seen this movie before. “Ray”, “My Left Foot”, “A Beautiful Mind” and two dozen more to boot were all practically the same movie.  “The Theory of Everything” is that movie this year. Take a predictable script with a phenomenal performance of a famous icon by a great actor and it is a winning formula. It works.  I enjoyed it. But, as in 99% of these films the true, lasting emotion is our connection to the brilliance of the portrayed and not the art of those who portray them.

The Grand Budapest Hotel – A Wes Anderson film that made me laugh a few times and I didn’t hate.  That alone makes it worthy of a nomination.  Beautifully shot and designed it is the same quirky, pretentious and “seriously artistic” movie we expect from Anderson.  If you like him then bully for you. If you hate him you may not hate this movie as much as all his others.

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) – I hated it. I got it. I recognize the artistry. I appreciate the performances. Keaton, Norton, and Stone were wonderful.  The script is sharp and the technical aspect of shooting in long, uninterrupted scenes was effective if not necessarily ground breaking. All that being said I still hated it and should have just taken a walk.

Boyhood – Ambitious to be sure with it being shot using the same actors over a period of 12 years. At times it is a really nice film. At other times it is an “Afterschool Special” with a few F-bombs. The movie does a really nice job of portraying “real life”.  The scenarios and life events are realistic and make sense. It is an extremely, believable journey of this young man’s life. Some of the dialogue however is just bad and the moments of philosophical enlightenment from the boy are sophomoric at best. If somebody had asked “If I were a tree what kind of tree would I be?” I would not have been surprised.