Me, Gwyneth and a pregnant lady

Recently I saw a headline, and I paraphrase, “Gwyneth Paltrow says women who work 9-5 jobs have it easier than her.” YEA SHE SAID IT   Let that sink in for a bit.  As you ponder it you will probably go through the 7 Stages of WTF?  These are just like the 7 Stages of Grief but after each one you say to yourself “WTF?”  

It is easy to ridicule a movie star who makes such a pretentiously idiotic statement. But to be fair we’ve all done it.  Said something and just as it was coming out of our mouth we knew that it was the wrong thing to say.  I’ve done it more than once.  Hell, I do it once a day. Sometimes it is innocuous.  Other times it is cosmically rude and insensitive.  I’m a nice guy.  I swear I am. But when you talk as much as I do eventually the laws of probability are going to ensure that your foot firmly plants itself in your mouth on a fairly regular basis.

One particular instance that haunts me took place in a grocery store.  I had just returned from a business trip.  Shelli had asked me to pick up a few things. Being the dutiful husband I am that is what I did.  Standing in aisle 5 was one of our married couple friends.  To protect the innocent I will call the Tark and Mammy.  Tark and my wife Shelli were friends from work.  Mammy was Tark’s wife and we loved them and still love them dearly.  I remembered that Mammy was pregnant with her first child.  Being a concerned friend I showed interest for the upcoming addition to their family.  I told Mammy that she looked wonderful and happy.  She was was beaming and smiled. Then I said it.

**Before I continue I would like to point out that I had been out of town for two weeks and I may or may not have been slipped hallucinogens by terrorists.  You can’t prove that I wasn’t.  Just saying.

Then I said, “Wow, it won’t be much longer now.  Just a couple of months?”

I’m not sure what I noticed first. 
Was it the drop in temperature? No!
Was it the look of horror on Tark’s face as if to say WTH Dude?   No!
Was the innocent look of a crushed spirit, shattered hopes and sheer heartbreak that can only be mustered by a sweet, beautiful, pregnant woman  IN HER FIRST TRIMESTER!?!   YEP, that was it.

It was bad.  I think I actually drooled on myself while I considered smashing my head with a jar of pickle relish.  Anything would have been preferable to having to see this dear, shattered soul’s pouting eyes.  Thankfully she didn’t cry. Or at least I don’t think she did because I ran out of the store like it was on fire.  As soon as I got in the car I called Shelli to tell her she needed to reach out to Tark. My loving wife replied, “Oh God!  What have you done?”  What can I say?  She knows me.

That was 11 years ago. Mammy and Tark now have three beautiful daughters. But, I still get embarrassed thinking about that day.  Luckily Mammy is more gracious than I am stupid. 

So maybe Gwyneth is a pampered, out of touch trollop. Who knows?  Hopefully she is a nice lady who said something stupid and will regret it.  Maybe terrorists gave her hallucinogens.  You don’t know.