Unsolicited Movie Reviews - Summer Blockbusters 2014

Been away for a while but the bride and wee ones are out of town on vacation so Pops gets to catch up on the big bang movies that the wife doesn’t usually go see.  So here is a compilation of some of the big movies of the “Summer”

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Unlike Transformers or Spiderman or even Planet of the Apes for that matter the Marvel Comics universe of The Avengers seems to have a limitless range of stories to tell before they start getting old. The new Spiderman, #2 but really #5 if you consider the Toby Macguire years, is flat. Even after retooling, Planet of the Apes is superb, but one more film is about all that franchise has left. That is OK because the story arc really works as a trilogy. By comparison, the Avenger’s world has had 8 or 9 films already and while they haven’t all been perfect they sure aren’t stale and there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier is the latest offering. If you are an Avengers fan you should like this. If the Avengers isn’t your bag, you know what, you should still like this.  Sharp writing, well-formed characters and some classic old-fashioned heroism all with a WWII tie-in make it a perfect summer action film. Captain America is ‘Hamburger and Apple Pie’ and that is what makes him great.

Did I mention Scarlett Johnssan? What I didn’t.  Oh, well, let me take care of that. 

SCARLETT JOHNSSAN! Wow, I may need a cigarette.

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The Amazing Spiderman 2

Have you seen the other 4 Spiderman movies since 2002? Then you’ve seen this movie as well. It is pretty fun and rather entertaining just like the other 4. You won’t be disappointed you watched it but you won't go change your life’s philosophy over it either.  My suggestion would be to wait and see it at the discount theater.

By the way, Emma Stone is a huge upgrade from Kirsten Dunst. The Green Goblin’s make-up/outfit is a serious upgrade from the original but the new Goblin is a no Willem DeFoe.  Then again who is?

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Godzilla

Do you remember all the old Godzilla sci-fi flicks from the 60’s and 70’s? Now imagine if those movies had today’s computer graphics, a strong script with cool references to the A-Bomb and Grade-A acting talent. Bingo!, you have the newest incarnation of GODZILLA!

The movie isn’t a classic like Jurassic Park but it is a quality update and superb homage to the throw back movies we used to watch on the Saturday Matinee...on one of the 3 channels our antennae picked up. Oh and Bryan Cranston is a superb actor. I know this isn’t news but just needs to be said from time to time.

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Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

While I loved the original Planet of the Apes with Charleston Heston and Roddy McDowell, I absolutely abhorred the Marky Mark version from 2001. So when I saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes a couple of years ago I was shocked how much I liked it. It surprised me how well it worked on an emotional level. Then my wife watched it and liked it. How could this be? I knew the movie was not a fluke.

The 70’s films were the quirky, heavy handed, cinema equivalent of a dozen, pretentious, college hippies passing around a joint realizing the evils of humanity and feeling certain they were the first ones to ever have such an original thought. Sort of like “The Legend of Billy Jack” but with monkey costumes. The 2001 movie was just crap. But Rise of the Planet of the Apes accomplished something special. It humanized Caesar. It placed him and the audience on a level, emotional playing field and it worked. 

The new movie Dawn of the Planet of the Apes continues this trend and expands it to the entire monkey tribe. These are not, as Heston called them in the original, “damned dirty apes”. These are fathers and mothers and children trying to survive.

Like any good sci-fi it builds a world with cinematic/literary rules and sticks with them allowing the viewer to accept what they are seeing. The special effects are insane and like all excellent special effects they enhance the story as opposed to distracting from it.  But, what makes the movie work, like what makes all good movies work, is the simple fact that we care what happens to the characters. We laugh with them, cry with them and cheer for them. It just so happens that here the “them” is a bunch of damned dirty apes. 

Excellent film! It stands on its own but seeing “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” would be a good idea.

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Transformers: Age of Extinction

This film was billed as a “re-tooling” of the franchise. If by “re-tool” you mean trading a really talented, petulant, young star with a really talented, petulant middle-aged star and turning the ubiquitous, smoking-hot bombshell from the love interest to the daughter then yes it was a “re-tooling”.

In actuality it is 1 hour and 45 minutes of awesome, blow-em-up, By God, movie making, summer fun stretched out for nearly 3 hours.

Some people say Donald Trump would not wear his hair the way he does if he had one good friend to tell him how bad it looks. Michael Bay (director) must not have any friends. If he did they would have told him 1/3 of his film was unnecessary going a long way to counteract much of what makes these movies work to in the first place.

Any sequel to a big special effects film has to keep getting bigger and bigger with each film or so they say. It doesn’t always make a better film but it's conventional wisdom. Inherently any level of credulity the movie makers developed with the audience to suspend disbelief gets so strained that all believability is thrown out window and you remember that you aren’t a part of this strange and awesome world. You are just some schmuck who paid $8 to sit in the dark with strangers waiting for the credits. At one point I got up just to stretch my legs. I knew I wouldn’t miss anything.

Let me put it another way. Do you like bacon? Bacon on pretty much any level is perfect. It has reached a level of perfection that is unrivaled. Now, occasionally, we get a new twist on bacon. Sometimes it is peppered. I’ve seen it deep fried. There is chocolate covered bacon or bacon ice-cream. People try them and say 'Man that’s good'. And a lot of time they are right. However, if we are honest with ourselves none of the combinations are truly better than the actual bacon itself. The first Transformers was bacon with some chocolate drizzle. It was new and tasty with a twist.. Transformers: Age of Extinction is Bacon that has been married with a brownie, covered in chocolate, topped with ice cream, lathered in caramel, spiced with red-hots, wrapped in dough, deep fried and dusted with powdered sugar. The really good stuff is so covered in crap it isn't that good any more. What’s the use? If you eat it all you will be puking even before you get on the Tilt-A-Whirl.

The movie has an above average cast that works well together. Stanley Tucci is, as always, an absolute riot and owns every scene he is in. I personally think the special effects took a step back. Not that they are bad but I don’t think they are used in service of the story. The new “transformer’s” transformations look more like magic instead of awe inspiring mechanical miracles. It is a little thing but it’s just one more thing that covers up the bacon.

I just want some bacon!

Unsolicited Movie Review – 22 Jump Street

Unsolicited Movie Review – 22 Jump Street

There are two banes of the movie industry in my opinion.  First is 3D.  It is a scam. Get over it and save yourself $5.  I have never been to a single movie where 3D enhanced the experience of the film.

The second bane is the “sequelization” of practically everything. Not to say there are not good sequels.  Godfather II, Rise of the Dark Night, Two Towers etc.  But generally they are horrible and nothing but rehashes of the first movie.  Sometimes the sequel is so awful it actually makes you wonder if it's predecessor was as good you thought. (Hangover II).

So when I heard they were making a sequel to 21 Jump Street I was perplexed. First of all the original movie was bland. A few funny parts to be sure but nothing ground breaking and devoid of charm. Surely this was going to be a straight to DVD slam with another cast. Jamie Kennedy or someone? NOPE. It was the original cast with Jonah Hill and Tatum Channing. Before you smirk remember Johah Hill has 2 Oscar nominations for acting. That is the same number as John Wayne and twice as many as Robert Redford for acting. Hill has more acting nominations than Donald Sutherland, Richard Gere, Sam Rockwell, Harry Dean Stanton, Jeff Daniels, Steve Buscemi and Gary Oldman COMBINED! (I’ll let that sink in a second. If you makes you question the base concept of humanity, well I understand.)

So, I was not hopeful but I had a couple of hours to kill. Here’s the thing. It was formulaic. It was the same exact plot. It was in no way socially, ethically or morally redeemable.  But, and this is a huge but, IT WAS FUNNY!. I laughed throughout the entire film.

The bits worked. The cast was more than charming and clicked together. I genuinely felt Channing and Hill liked each other. Channing is not just for looks. He has some pretty good comedy chops. He’s not just a pretty face. (I know how he feels!)  References back to the first film reminded you it’s funniest parts and actually made me want to revisit the original. The makers never took themselves seriously. Not even remotely.

If you have an issue with foul language or “blue” material it is not for you. But, if you have a couple of hours to kill and you are in the mood to zone out and laugh it is worth the while. You don’t need to see on the big screen. Easily worth waiting till it is on DVD/Download.

The Blessing of Brevity! and Timing

Riding to school this morning my 11 year old asked me if I wanted to hear a joke. Obviously I said yes but not without some apprehension.

You see my son is, at times, one of the funniest people on the planet. I take a great deal of pride in the fact that he is a rather quick wit. In the midst of a conversation he can lay out a well-timed zinger with the deftness of a Catskills stand-up. I am also convinced his inability to withhold such zingers will one day result in a black-eye from somebody with a lesser sense of humor. But that is another story for another time.  The fact is that regardless of how funny he can be he hasn’t mastered the art of telling a joke.  It can be pretty bad but he's working on it.

A nice, simply structured joke heretofore is an enigma to him. It may be due to his talents as an artist. He is an amazingly, detailed illustrator.  I think this attention to detail leads him to include an abundance of information in a story and it clouds his ability to tell a joke well. Maybe it is a genetic trait that didn't pass down. But it will be OK I guess. My sister can't tell a joke worth a hoot and she has led a relatively happy life. Somehow! I mean we didn't shun her because she could tell a joke.  Well, we didn't shun her much.  

Oh well, back to this morning and he tells me his joke.

"Two guys are flying with Jet Packs and it is awesome.

They are going all around and flipping and dipping and having a great time

Then one of the guys asked the other guy, the one who built the back packs, he made them in his garage cause he wanted to fly and he used spare parts. He has him how to land.

The stunned inventor says he isn’t really sure and that maybe they should just turn off the backpacks and they would fall.

The first guy calls the second guy an idiot."

(See what I mean?  Painful!)

This was followed by my terribly excited and obviously, proud son laughing and asking me if it was funny.

I chuckled that fake Dad laugh that I have had to master due to my son's affliction.  I gritted my teeth and said it was funny. Then I thought, hey, teaching moment!

“But do you want to know how to make if funnier?”

Ever the performer my 11 year old said yes.

So I told him to try it like this.

Two guys are flying experimental Jet Packs.

The first guy asks the other guy “Hey, How do we land these things?”

The inventor replies “LAND?”

My son didn’t laugh. 

Uh Oh!  

He just got a quizzical look. 

Did he not get it?  
This may be worse than I thought.  I briefly wondered if there may be a surgical solution.

Then it hit him. 

The light bulb came on and it was followed by a huge grin.

You see, I said.  "All you need is the funny.  Once you hit the funny stop talking."

As we turned down the road to my son’s school we started our morning ritual of saying a prayer for the day. It was my turn to pray out loud. I finished as we neared the end of the drop-off line.  I asked my son if there was anything he was particularly thankful for today. He pulled on his backpack and started to get out of the car. Then he looked back over his shoulder and said,

“I am very thankful that you taught me how to make my joke better!.”  Then he flashed a toothy smile and ran into school.

Now that's what I call timing!

I called my mother Momma!

I called my mother Momma. 

Occasionally when I was kidding around I would jokingly address her by one of her God-given names, Lola or Earlene and my tongue was planted firmly in my cheek. It was never Mommy and "yes or no" was almost always followed by a proper southern "Ma'am".   If we were arguing I called her Mother, something my wife first noticed.  But whatever I called her it was always done with love and respect.

By definition every Mom is a force of nature in her child's life. In Momma's case she was a force of nature in a more traditional sense to countless numbers of people. Those that knew her understand. My Mother never "slipped quietly" into a room.  My Mother never stood against the wall. My Mother never waited for somebody to do what needed to be done.  The moment Momma entered the room it was her room. She stood in the middle of every room because whatever was happening wasn't happening on the edges. She was a woman of action.  There was not a task too small and definitely not a task too large. 

You need a wedding director? Call Earlene.  You need a fundraiser organized? Call Earlene. You need somebody to run the booster program? Call Earlene.  You need a choir director? Call Earlene. You need an event catered? Call Earlene. You need somebody to manage feeding 400 people a night for 4 nights to raise money for a school trip? Call Earlene. You need to have 15 teenagers spend the night and have them fed and ready for church the next morning? Call Earlene.   Actually, to be accurate you didn't have to call her because half the time it was her idea to begin with.  She was an uber- multi-tasker before multi-tasking was cool. It is said that you can never have too many irons in a fire if the fire was hot enough. Mom's fire burned and burned hot.

In my last two years of high school, apparently Momma was beginning to fear "Empty Nest Syndrome".  So she started her own business. Two years later she owned and operated three day-dare centers that cared for over 150 children every day.  One of those was in our basement.   Not to rest on her laurels she also joined the NC Association of Daycare Owners and spoke on their behalf before the General Assembly. No, Momma was no shrinking violet.

Momma  was a classically trained musician.  I know that I am biased but she was a phenomenal singer. She could inspire with her performances. She was a beautiful soprano with the ability to the rattle the rafters of any church so fortunate to have her bless it with her voice. Anyone who ever heard her sing "The King Is Coming" was never soon to forget it.  She was choir director of our church and a friend, confidant and mentor to dozens of youth and members over the years. 


Of all the things that made Momma special, her innate ability to praise, inspire and motivate others to step-up and participate is the one I remember the most.  Go look up the word "ENCOURAGER" and there would be a picture of my mother. Had she even remotely enjoyed sports she would have made an awesome coach.  There was very little room in Momma's vocabulary for "CAN'T" and if you told her there was something you could not do, her typical reply would be "Ah, Bull, I know better."  Then she would stroke your ego and tell you all the right things to pump up your confidence. Then, if that didn't work, the next step was a swift kick in the pants. But make no mistake it was always done with love.  Through the sheer force of her will you would find yourself standing up doing exactly whatever you thought you couldn't do ten minutes earlier.  I saw her do it 1000 times and each one was beautiful.

We lost Momma way too soon almost 16 years ago. The reception line for her viewing lasted nearly 4 hours with a line out the door.   Time after time guests wanted us to know what Momma had done for them.
"Your Mom was really there for me when my Dad passed."
"Earlene is the only reason I went to college. She told me I could."
"Your Mom always made me feel special."
"Mrs. York stood up for me when nobody else would."
"She just made you feel better when she came into the room with her smile"
Over and Over and Over.....We had always known it but I don't think we had a full appreciation of her reach until that night.

Earlene Brown York was larger than life.  I am thankful she was/is my Momma. The biggest regret of my life is that my children never go to meet her.  She would have eaten them up. However,  I am comforted in knowing that because of her I am a better Father to my kids. I know that I am a better Husband to my wife and a better confidant to my friends.  I know that the best parts of me are better for having had her encouraging, prodding, praising and loving me.  I miss her this Mother's Day and I miss her every day. 

So if you can  I suggest you drop what you are doing pick up a phone or better yet drive to your Momma's house and tell her you love her.

Teacher Appreciation Week - Wrap Up

Appreciation weeks are great but they are never enough. 

We should appreciate our teachers every day. We should also appreciate our Parents and families and friends and veterans and policemen and ….. Well you get the point.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the number of educators in my own family.  Two Aunts, an Uncle, three cousins and my mother taught public school music for a time.  My father was also a beloved high school teacher for nearly 20 years before following other pursuits.  I think he always regretted leaving.  It has been 30 years since he taught but to this day he rarely goes out to eat or to the grocery store when he doesn't get a hug or a howdy-do from a former student.  The impact a kind and decent person can have is limitless.

There are not enough days in the week for all the great teachers. So on this last day of appreciation I figured I would list some more great ones. In addition to the phenomenal cast of teachers who suffered me over the years I have included many fabulous teachers who have suffered my children and by extension me.  There are countless friends and family who have answered the noble call of teaching who I would like to list as well.  Feel free to share the names of your favorite teachers in the comments.  Even better sit down and write them a note.  I am sure they would appreciate the quaintness as well as any proper spelling and grammar. Thanks for all you do!

Mrs Hardin, Juanita Schnieder, Jeanie Teague, Mark Crawford, Kathy Chambers (had my first crush on her hubba hubba  ) Johnny Woody, Ruth McConnell , Hugh K. Terrell, Susan Snipes, Rudy “Big Daddy Rabbit” Reeves, Carol Haney, Darlene Lowe, CAROLYN BREESE (Best Math teacher ever), Donald Nesbitt, Tuscola – Cathy Walsh, Robbie Hargrove, Charles Patterson, Valerie Ray, Kim Corzine, Randy Pressley, Dennis Hefner, Martin Banner – Modern Day Teachers – Candice Berman , Mrs. St. Louis , Mrs. Reid, Jennifer Haithcock, Michael Graham, Miss Yow, Bryan Johnson, Matt Gowdy, Miss Tinch, Brittany Ivey, Mandy Stephens Burns and on and on and on. I have missed more than I’ve mentioned and for that I’m sorry. Happy Teacher Appreciation Week!!! Thanks to All of You!

Teacher Appreciation Week #4

When I think of great teachers I think of commitment. When I think of committment I think of Ms. Marcia Mize

For a little background “The Smoky Mountain Kids” was a singing and clogging performance group founded and directed by Ms. Mize.  All the kids were students in the Haywood County School system and members had to audition to join.  Performing any number of songs including show tunes, folk songs, contemporary music and standards we were also a competitive level clogging team. Yes that is a thing for those not familiar. We practiced and performed A LOT!  That was all coordinated and directed by Ms. Mize.

No teacher ever got into teaching to get rich. For the great ones, like Ms. Mize, it was a passion and a 24 hour a day, 365 day a year labor of love. The most time any teacher ever spent with me was not spent during school. I was never assigned to her class. Heck, I never even attended her school. 

The time was spent on Tuesday nights in the Clyde School Music Room. It was spent on summer nights at Stuart Auditorium at Lake Junaluska, NC.. It was spent on the stage of the Cheyenne Saloon in Orlando, Florida and camping on the floor of Ghost Town’s Silver Dollar Saloon in Maggie Valley, NC to film a t.v. spot. It was spent on Cherokee Boy’s Club buses traveling over the southeast. It was spent at a camp ground in Ft Lauderdale. It was spent on stages from Florida to Indiana in school gyms, civic halls, recreation centers, churches, hospitals, camp grounds, country clubs and any other place that would have the Smoky Mountain Kids as their evening entertainment. She took one group to the World’s Fair and another to The Grand Ole Opry.  

Hundreds of hours? Thousands of hours? Tens of thousands of hours? ………………..Easily!

She wasn’t getting paid. She didn’t do it for fame. She did it because she loved her kids and loved to share her kid’s talents with all that would listen. I’m not sure how many years she kept the Smoky Mountain Kids going but I know it was at least 30. Membership averaged anywhere from 20-60 kids at a time ranging from grades 3-9. She did this day after day, week after week because she was committed.

She would probably tell you there were times she felt like she should be committed. But she was always there pushing, teaching, demanding and expecting great things from us. She always told us that we were kids but we were professionals. Act like it!   It may sound a little hokie but the ideas of “the show must go on” and “leave them wanting more” were just part of the lessons.

There are a lot of great things about Ms Mize that I remember. She was a fabulous musician. She had a commanding personality. She was a dear friend to my mother. She demanded effort and results and she got both. But most of all, as I look back, what I appreciate the most was the example of commitment she displayed for so long to so many.

Thanks Ms. Mize. You are loved and appreciated.

Teacher Appreciation Week #3

The most fun, interesting, enjoyable and fulfilling classes I ever took at any level of education were the choral classes at Tuscola High School conducted by Mr. David C. Traynham . Bar None!

To be fair he had a built-in advantage with the fact that I enjoyed singing and performing. Under that same rule my history teachers had an advantage over my chemistry teachers. But, Mr. T  made full benefit of the opportunity.

He took groups of kids, many of whom had little or no musical background, and turned them into some remarkable, award-winning ensembles. He was a superb musician with a passion for singing and he shared that with his students. I grew up in a small mountain community in the Great Smoky Mountains of North Carolina. By traditional standards it wasn't what you would call "cultured". Like anywhere we had our outlets and school music programs were one of them. You never had to prepare an audition piece for Mr. Traynham.  He usually just let you sing My Country Tis of Thee.  I shutter think of the thousands of renditions he suffered through over the years. However, the quality of performances that he encouraged out of a bunch of small town, mountain teenagers always amazed me and still does.

His was a respected name in our house and my family adored the man. When my mother passed away there was no second choice of who to ask to sing at the funeral. I was heart broken when he was unable to sing in my wedding. Unfortunately I was getting married the same time his choirs were competing in a national competition in Florida.  A competition I am pretty sure they won by the way.

Most of his students felt the same way about Mr. T. The guys thought he was cool and wanted to be him. The girls thought he was handsome and  had a crush on him. I know for certain that if he is reading this then he just rolled his eyes and blushed.  His wonderful wife Brenda probably just rolled her eyes as well.

He shunned any spotlight and placed every bit of praise on his students. He was reserved and deliberate with a dry yet sly wit. I remember the time to prove his toughness to the group he chewed 2 aspirin without water. Predictably he started choking and grabbed for a water bottle and got the laugh he had intended all along.

He put his students into positions to be applauded and praised. He gave his students the opportunity to achieve something that most of them never thought they could achieve to begin with or ever have the chance to do again. They got to be on a stage with a spotlight and hear applause for their performances. They got to feel the warmth and pride you only get with a sense of accomplishment.

That is a pretty awesome gift to share with one student much less hundreds if not thousands over the years.

We were lucky he was ours. Thanks for everything MR. T!